If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
