Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
