he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
