thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
