just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
