i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize