Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
