a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
