dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
