I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
