the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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