I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize