Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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