I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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