She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
