Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
