The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
