Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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