I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
