You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
