4 words: hood of his car
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
