I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
