So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
