..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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