i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
