you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
