I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize