sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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