I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
