I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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