Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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