I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
