Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
