I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
