So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My feet surprised me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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