dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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