there was a trapeze. enough said
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
