They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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