the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
