chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
