I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
