Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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