Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
