I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
