They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
