how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We named our party play list daddy issues
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
