What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
