Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
