your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
