Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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