I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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