I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
