you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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