cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My penis needs a shock collar
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
