also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize