Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
