Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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