sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
