guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
