school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
