please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
