True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
