Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
