Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
