All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize