you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
