Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My balls are so social today.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Let's get the cat blown out
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
