And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
