My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
