i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
