my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
