The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize