Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
