"it" just moved
Yo dont text me then not text me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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