Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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