If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
