I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
