It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
