He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize