at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
