i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
