there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
