she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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