just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my being single is dangerous.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
