trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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