When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want her autograph on my taint
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
