according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
