My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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