oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
