Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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