I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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