The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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