We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
