You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
