she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
