No stitches, just platelets and will power
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
