I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
