I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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