if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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