i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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