Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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