lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
