Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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