i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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