That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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