I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
