its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
