No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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