Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
